woman

…After all th…

…After all this money she earnt, she still show daddy what she learnt…

Kanye West

Never forget, you are a woman, and he, is your husband. Never let your pride, power or position take away from that dynamic. You became one because of the unconditional love you had for one another. When you are with him, you are still a strong and powerful woman, just remember you are HIS strong and powerful woman. Don’t take away you sensitivity and softness towards the man that you love more than anything else…

This was just a friendly reminder, to always be a woman. We are sensual. Just dont be sensual with everyone.

 

xo.

What’s the mess…

What’s the message? Don’t just try to jump into a car note because you got yourself a cute job. Save up your money and buy cars for cash. You don’t have to “look” like you have money to feel good about yourself. You can just have some fuckin’ money. Save up $1500 for a car, then save another $1500, sell the car and buy a $3k car. Repeat this process until you get to $10 and 15$k. Now you’re driving the same car all of your broke ass friends driving only you’re not worried about a note. You’re never worried about a repo man. Never worried the new thing they do where they can CUT THE FUCKIN CAR OFF. Don’t be like the rest of the idiots, move from the hoop, to the slab, then to the foreign. To be honest wit you on some Houston shit…..you might wanna just stick wit the slab and upgrade that shit. That’s it for Financial Fridays this week. Thug life!

Ha! That post is everything. 

I recently was having a conversation (very heated) with someone about financials. You see, I have done that flashy thing. Walking around in 300 dollar pants and 300+ dollar bags and as much as I love nice things that flashy life just does not interest me anymore. I want to be a millionaire by any means necessary and I will not NOT be one because I couldnt hold on to my money! Recently, I land a nice cushy job. Making twice as much as I use to and I swear I still think I dont make hardly enough. I have this thing where I dont congratulate myself a lot but thats a different blog for a different day. So, here I am with this chump change so I decided I was finally going to treat myself to a new car. Now, currently I drive a 2007 cobalt. Its not in the worse condition but it does need some fixing (around $1500 worth which is laughable because I could easily pay and get that done… which I am going to). So I was in this state of mind that instead of getting this car fixed (a car that I still owe $4700 on) I could just get a new car. Now, usually car dealers want 10% down. Some how, some way I was able to talk a dealership into putting like 5% down which was around $1800. So I was sitting here about to buy a whole new car while I already had a running car that required less money to fix than this new car would have been costing me with a $450 dollar car note. So that would have been instead of $400 a month out of my pocket for a car note and car insurance about $900. I really had to take a step back and check every part of my life. I havent been to Italy, Germany, Singapore… anywhere… But I was willing to start paying all this extra money for something I really did not need. I could however, put that extra money towards my car and pay it off this year. 

I just really think living the American Dream and being wasteful are all in the same boat. You’re (at least I am) forever looking at what someone else has trying to figure out how you can get it. When in reality you already have “it”. You have it in the position you have it in and that needs to be good enough, I mean this blog isn’t for someone making $9/hr. You still need to work hard and aim higher. Get that college degree and sit cushy for a second. Sitting cushy for a second pertains to all of us. Why be wasteful with money. Fuck what everyone else has. Does it really matter? I rather have at least $30,000 saved up and then go drop some money on a new car rather than having $10k saved up and dropping money every month for 2 car notes. 

Now back to the conversation, the boy said “look at what youre driving I can tell how much you make, Im a fuel engineer Im always driving something new”. Oh, cute for you. But you dont own a home or have the education I have which gives me value. If you ever leave your cushy job you wont have the knowledge to go into your career field (lets just put it out there he works for the navy). He would definitely have to get education, unless he stays in the navy his entire life which is great! Good for him. But we live in 2 completely different lives. 

Dont judge me because I decided to not go buy that new expensive car. He said “Im always driving something new”. Pretty sure I have enough saved to where if I want a new I would have a new one. But I decided not to. i am not about the flashy life. Yea one month I may buy a 1k bag. But that would have to be a big reward and some good saving. I am just here for something different. I am trying to make my money work for me. Not the other way around. 

The Toxic Binary of Powerful Women

MySurmise

Ii’ve really been wanting to address this topic for a while. I am currently taking an elective class while I am working full time, in which we have been discussing binaries and dichotomies surrounding women of colour. As such, troubling binary depictions of women have been high on my radar recently.

With all of this at the forefront of my mind, you can imagine the explosion that happened when I happened across Time Magazine’s Cover of Hillary Clinton. I have always been somewhat irked about how typically sexist the media is toward Senator Clinton. If you recall when she was last running in an election, the media were interviewing her unlike they have ever interviewed a male candidate. Here, you can read about when an interviewer asked her about which designer she was wearing, to which Clinton responded “would you ever ask a man that question?”. Additionally, during her campaign…

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The give and take

In life you always have to sacrifice, its whats knowing what to sacrifice the big problem. Especially, when it comes to relationships. People always say loves trumps all, but for a young professional that usually is not the case. I could not see myself right now sacrificing anything in my professional life. I dont even want anything or anyone to make me think about that. My love life is the ultimate sacrifice. I use to be closed out and didnt have the ability to express my emtions, but now I express them. Its usually just through loudness which I admit im working on.

For a great relationship to flourish it has to be give and take. Right now, the only great relationship I want to flourish are work related. Is that selfish of me? Of course, because I do have someone in my life, but it becomes a point to where I really dont care. I mean, I TRY to make it work but if I have to go to a conference for a weekend and you want to see me guess what im choosing, the conference.

Im sure if it was a male putting his career first this would not be a problem. Putting my career first maybe the reason I am 50 and alone, I just pray that I have something to show for it.

Speak my language

As I sit here an look back at the weekend I realize that everything is not what it seem, not even those words you meant to release upon someone. They have become jaded. Language is something of complexity. It has developed into this hodge posh of multiple meanings where someone does not necessarily have to say exactly what they mean. It could be because they dont want to have that feeling of rejection, they are not ready to express their true feelings, or they are not ready to let anyone know their truth; embellishment. Things are not as black and white as they seem. I am actually moving back from this black and whiteness wishing to find myself back in it. I’m moving in a category to where I dont say everything I think and I dont fully express what I feel, all words are used against you. It’s better that the words you never said be used, rather the ones you are saying completely quoted and thrown back at you.

In corporate America, everything is jaded. Don’t say anything too much to cause a debate until its time. Don’t be controversial, this wont benefit you it will only hurt you. The only thing about you that should stand out are your words, not your work. This is something I have found out since I started working in Academia. Now, working for ge or p&g may be different but this is true in my case, from my perspective. Let my words on paper be louder than the things out of my mouth.

Finding myself in a situation where it seems almost fake to live in this world everything and not express what I really feel. I understand the girl dancing on the desk now. Living in this world is tired and mentally draining. Why does this have to be the corporate side of me? Is it a sign of maturity that I just dont completely tell someone their ideas are garbage and they need to stop pussy footing and do their job to the best of their capability… well I guess it is. And it really wasnt lady like with me saying that also. So, lets not forget be a lady and be professional. Be gray.

But how do I not let that fall over into my personal life. I’m becoming a more closed off person. The once outspoken girl is becoming more quiet, more inward and secluded. I already had emotional issues but now, whew.

I’m looking for this balance and hopefully I will find it one day soon. Its crazy because its something like living a double life…